Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
