You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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