This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
