I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
