Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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