it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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