And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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