wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
