I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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