: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize