Me too!
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
