Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
