omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
