even my farts smell like vagina
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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