I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
