Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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