remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
