the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
