I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
