I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
