3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
