do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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