Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
