If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i just google imaged poop.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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