she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
