Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
