girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
