The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
