I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
