Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
