For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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