But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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