we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize