Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
