mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize