Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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