Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
