smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
