At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
