It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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