dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Randomize
