She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
