Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize