Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
