Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
