Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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