I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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