Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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