Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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