i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
