I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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