wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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