Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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