Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
thus making me awesome and them whores
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
