i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
