You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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