remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
