We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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