Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
