I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
