one two three fourrrrnication!
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
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