Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
