My liver just broke up with me...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My life is pants optional.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
