hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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