I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
