My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You were trust falling into bushes
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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