living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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