They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
