First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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