dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
