hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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