do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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