Just mADE A PArabola og urine
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
