Your dad touched me again.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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