proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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