then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
My dad is sitting where you rode me
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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