I could have mohawked her pubes.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
