I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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